What is Blaseball?

Kimberly: Hello listeners! You are listening to Take Me Out to the Blall Game, the world's favorite Blaseball podcast. I'm your host, Kimberly Dauber, and I use she/her pronouns. Today, we're going to talk about Blaseball with someone who is not yet a participant. But first, here's an update on the current Blaseball standings in season 7.

K: Here are the standings for something like day 10 or 11 of season 7 of the Internet Series. At the tops of the leagues: - leading Wild High are the San Francisco Lovers, with an astounding record of 9-1, the best in the entire Internet Series for this season so far;

- leading Wild Low, we have the Houston Spies;

- leading Mild High, the Hades Tigers;

- and on top of Mild Low, the Philly Pies.

The three most idolized players in the league are PolkaDot Patterson, Axel Trololol, and York Silk. Also above the red line are Penelope Telephone, who is still shelled, Peanutiel Duffy, Jalen Hotdogfingers, Nagomi McDaniel (also shelled), Peanut Bong, and Paula Turnip. These standings were current at the time we recorded them, and are almost definitely not correct anymore. If you want to play a fun game, see if you can guess what time zone I'm in based on what standings I read.

K: Those were our blaseball standings for today, and now back to our main story. Today we are talking with a very special guest; would you care to introduce yourself with your name and pronouns, and why are you here?

Priya: Hi! I'm Priya, I use she/her pronouns, and I'm here because Kim my roommate dragged me here.

K: Excellent, I'm very glad to have dragged you here, we're super happy to have you on the show. (laughing)

P: Thanks for having me.

K: Yeah, yeah. Anytime, anytime. Okay, first things first. Question for you: is the commissioner doing a great job?

P: No, the commissioner is not doing a great job. The commissioner is doing an awe-inspiring job, an amazing job. Obviously.

K: Okay, that is true, yes. The commissioner is doing such an incredible job that it is far more than a great job, it is, in fact, an amainzg job, thank you Priya. So, Priya, you are not yourself involved in Blaseball right now, correct?

P: No, I only learned of Blaseball yesterday due to the flaws of my roommate Kim, who only told me about it yesterday.

K: Well, I would dispute whether these are flaws, and I think you'll come to agree with me very shortly, but since you don't know a ton about Blaseball yet, can you just explain to me in a couple words what you think Blaseball is?

P: Blaseball is baseball with an L, but it is so much more than that. It is so much more than that that I could not possibly describe how much more it is than baseball with an L.

K: I would like to ask you to describe how much more than that it is than baseball with an L.

P: I think it is indescribable, that's what I'm saying.

K: Oh, okay, okay, alright. Blaseball is indescribable.

P: Mhm.

K: Amazing. So, if it is indescrible, then you've probably never seen anything like it before, right?

P: Obviously not, how could I have possibly seen anything like Blaseball before? I mean, I did see a baseball game once, and that was miserable.

K:Really?

P: Yes, I was frozen, and cold, and it was sad.

K: Oh no.

P: The White Sox are really not that great, sorry.

K: I have great news about Blaseball: you can follow it from the comfort of your home, because they play it on the Immaterial Plane. And I have seen many kinds of weather happening on the Immaterial Plane, but not freezing and cold.

P: See, that means it is ten times better than baseball already.

K: See, I told you you'd come around! Okay, so what questions do you have about Blaseball, as someone who has not interacted with it very much before?

P: So I guess, first question, which I believe I asked you last night, was, what is the ball in Blaseball called? Is it called a Blaseball? Do we need to trust in the gods to tell us this information when they deem it appropriate?

K: Oh, those are two separate questions, okay. First of all, is the ball called a Blaseball?

P: Yes.

K: Maybe. We don't exactly know. This has not been revealed to us as far as I'm aware, and that means that according to the many-worlds theory of Blaseball, it may be in some worlds and it may not be in other worlds. So if you wish to live in a world where it is called a Blaseball, you are welcome to do so. But as for your last question, can we trust the gods? Some of us in the Blaseball fandom trust the gods to a certain extent, or at least we want to know more about them, we wanna know about more of what's in the Forbidden Book, because much of it is redacted, which you will see if you get involved in Blaseball. But other people do not trust the gods at all; in fact, the Seattle Garages have inspired a band called The Garages who, among other things, have decided that they are going to try to destroy the gods.

P: That seems a little extreme.

K: It is a little bit extreme. If you're wondering more about the Garages, we're going to cut to a different segment real quick, where we're going to listen to a very special song by that very band.

K: If you're a long-time Blaseball fan, you know all about Mike Townsend and Jaylen Hotdogfingers. But if you're newer, you might not, so let me explain. After the season 6 election, pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers was brought back from the dead. Hotdogfingers was the first player to be incinerated when the Forbidden Book was opened after season 1. However, the ledger had to be balanced, so in exchange, Mike Townsend retreated to the shadows. As a tribute to Mike Townsend's heroics, we will now play the hit song by The Garages, "Mike Townsend Knows What He's Gotta Do".

(Garages song)

K: That was "Mike Townsend Knows What He's Gotta Do" by The Garages. I have been listening to them non-stop since I discovered their existince. For more of their incredible music, go find them on Bandcamp at https://thegarages.bandcamp.com/.

K: Alright, we are back, back talking to my roommate Priya, who I may or may not have bribed into doing this with Rice Krispie Treats.

P: Wait, where are these Rice Krispie Treats?

K: Oh, they're right over there. You can have one after we're done.

P: Okay.

K: But before that, we've really gotta get down to business in the second half. Gotta ask the, uh, hard-hitting questions. (pause) It's a Blaseball joke. The first question that I have for you is, trying to figure out what you would need in order to Blaseball is I think very interesting, because I think a lot of our listeners are probably very invested into Blaseball, and they would like to get their friends and family to appreciate this thing with them, like I would like you to appreciate this thing with me. How can I convince you, a Blaseball non-participant, to come be part of our community and participate in the cultural event of Blaseball?

P: Well, I mean, Blaseball seems like a really cool splort, and it sounds really fun, and the people in it seem really fantastic, but it does seem like one of those things that consumes your entire life. So my question to you is, does Blaseball actually consume your entire life?

K: Hmm. Does Blaseball consume my entire life. Well, a little bit. Some people, like me, can spend a lot of their life getting interested in Blaseball. You do not _have_ to get super-duper into it; actually, one of the first things that I started doing in Blaseball was reading some of the amazing back stories that people write about the players. And there's a lot of just really cool stuff, especially on the Blaseball wiki, and in fan zines, and there's game jams, and stuff like that, that you can find the corner of it that makes you really happy and join into that area. So yes it can, but no it doesn't have to. And, y'know, if you just wanna log on and cheer on your team and just bet on their games, and hang out with your friends and chit-chat with them about Blaseball, that is super duper okay. So, that's my answer for that one. Hopefully that will help anyone who's trying to convince their friends or family to get involved in Blaseball.

K: Okay, we're almost out of time so I have one last question for you. As we all know, we are all love Blaseball, but I would like to ask you, Priya, what do you in particular, what are you love Blaseball?

P: Do you mean what do I love about Blaseball?

K: What are you love about Blaseball?

P: What? What?

K: What are you love about Blaseball in particular? Say something that you are love about Blaseball.

P: I...love that it allows my roommate to do weird--

K: Let me rephrase the question. Based on what you've heard about Blaseball so far, what are you the most intrigued by and love about Blaseball?

P: Alright. I love absurdist humor, Blaseball really hits the nail on the head for absurdist humor, and I like that it allows people to come together who are complete strangers over absurdist humor.

K: Oh, that's wonderful. I am really love that about Blaseball as well.

K: Alright, that is our show for today! Thank you everyone for listening. Remember to follow us on Twitter at @blaseball_pod. Send us your questions, opionions, and soulscreams about Blaseball at blaseballpodcast [at] gmail dot com. We would love to hear your Blaseball reactions and opinions, especially recordings of your own voices, since this is a podcast. This has been Take Me Out to the Blall Game, I'm your host Kimberly Dauber, and thank you for participating in the cultural event of Blaseball.