SNACKRIFICE

Kimberly: hello listeners you are listening to take me out to the blallgame the world's bloodiest blaseball podcast. i'm your host Kimberly Dauber and I use she/her pronouns. today we're gonna talk about something you might have heard about lately the so called snackrifice. we'll be back with that in a moment but first a word from our splonsors:

Kimberly (Splonsorship Segment): this podcast was brought to you by snackrifice and the unlimited tacos. listen - we get it idolizing players like polka dot Patterson and axel trololol is guaranteed cash but eventually the season will end and that ominous red line will trap your favorite players inside giant peanut shells. there has to be a solution and here in Los Angeli we think we found it. snackrifice keeps your best players safe: simply get all five tacos pitchers above the red line and the rest is history. what's in it for us? scientific curiosity and smiting the gods. to learn more go to tacosblaseball.com/snackrifice . again that's tacosblaseball.com/snackrifice .

Kimberly: hello listeners welcome back today we are talking to another special guest DB. DB is a big fan of the unlimited tacos and DB like all of us is trying to have an impact on the splort that we all know and love hello thank you for being on the show.

DB: thank you for letting me be on the show. I'm excited to be here and tell everybody about our bad idea.

Kimberly: absolutely absolutely we wanna hear about all of the bad blaseball ideas here at take me out to the blall game. DB can you just introduce yourself for us and the listeners. tell us what we should call you what are your pronouns a little bit about yourself and also is the commissioner doing a great job.

DB: yeah sure. I am DB pronouns are he/him and im as you said an unlimited tacos fan. as for the commissioner to avoid having a red dot of light appear on my chest the commissioner is absolutely doing a great job. especially because he retweeted a certain snackrifice graphic about three hours ago.

Kimberly: hmm. hmmm. what a great segue this brings us to our main topic which I'm sure all of our listeners are just dying to hear about. let's talk about the snackrifice. can you explain what is the snackrifice exactly and how are you involved in it.

DB: the snackrifice is a force of nature of an idea that came into being in the dead of night about how the unlimited tacos could potentially ruin the entire future and maybe break blaseball while they do it.

Kimberly: wow.

DB: yeah and if the latter happens we are sincerely and tremendously sorry.

Kimberly (History Segment): Hey there listeners it's me Kimberly. in order to understand what DB is about to say next you're gonna need to know a little bit about blaseball idols and the ominous redline. it's a lot to take in so I've broken it down into five ideas. number one idols in season six of blaseball participants like you and me probably could choose a player to be their idol. number two the list. the most idolized players in the league are displayed as a list on blaseball.com and the very most idolized are at the very top of the list. number three the red line during season six an ominous red line appeared underneath the third slot cutting off the top three players from the rest of the list and no one really knew what this meant until... number four the shelling at the end of season six two of the three players above the red line were shelled. the commissioner who is doing a great job tweeted uh looks like they're stuck inside giant peanut shells and indeed those players were unable to pitch or hit and these are people's favorite players there at the top of the standings list. this brings us finally to number five the red line part two. now in season seven the redline has reappeared but this time it's below slot number ten so fans of baseball are worried that something bad is going to happen to some or all of the ten players above that line when the season ends. and that concern about what will happen to those players is the problem that the snackrifice plans to solve.

DB: so what the snackrifice is, is a really selfless really genius...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: ...brilliant beautiful idea where we say. what if we put our entire pitching rotation above this line? what if all of our pitchers...

Kimberly: wow.

DB: ... become unable to participate in the sport. we have no idea...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: ...but nothing, nothing that will help us.

Kimberly: probably nothing good.

DB: let's see if we can put all our pitchers in peanut shells and go over ninety nine or have it impossible to lose a game because no one can ever hit any blaseballs.

Kimberly: wow that is that is an extremely ambitious goal. so the basic idea is to get all of the tacos pitchers above the ominous red line on the idols standings page.

DB: correct somewhere in that top ten.

Kimberly: yeah oh my gosh. well so how did this idea even come about in the first place because this is absolutely wild. not only would this be wild for the tacos and for the rest of the league but also potentially for all the umpires and the people who are trying to keep the game of blaseball going.

DB: yes. this is...

Kimberly: how can you even come up with something like this?

DB: sleep deprivation is a key ingredient.

Kimberly: ah yes.

DB: at about four AM the morning that season seven now this morning actually when it was due to start somebody realized that the red line on the on the leader board had come back. a: it was back and b: it was expanded to ten. the first time I saw that posted in the blaseball discord was around four AM. and at some point later as my mind tried to count sheep but I refused to let it...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: the thought occurred what if all nine of the team's batters were above that line if they can't bat how does the game continue? how does the season continue? if the season can't continue how does blaseball continue?

Kimberly: oh no.

DB: that post was kind of publicly on a whim and it sort of was like rolling a snowball downhill and realizing there's a town on the bottom before you catch it.

Kimberly: oh my gosh yeah this makes me think of so many things like there's the one commandment in the forbidden book that says something about how blaseball games must end?

DB: uh oh.

Kimberly: and if a blaseball game like doesn't end then something happens I might recall...

DB: my theory on how that sentence goes is the tacos will be deleted

Kimberly: aww...

DB: that's not my theory or else...

Kimberly: we just don't know.

DB: yeah it's a complete mystery and that's the fun of it.

Kimberly: yeah that's part of what makes it so exciting. before we cut to the break can you explain the reaction that other fans and especially like the other tacos fans who you, you and the other fans who were sleep deprived together were suggesting that you can throw your team under the bus or rather into the peanut shell. how did everybody else react to this?

DB: the thing with tacos fans is that if you put something that's at risk in front of them they're gonna go for it. they're a very risk loving bunch.

Kimberly: oh yeah.

DB: so sort of round six am I was like i should probably get two extra hours of sleep before I go to work at eight.

Kimberly: Oh god.

DB: what hopefully when I wake up the entire fanbase will have decided yes this is a good idea.

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: and there was a little bit of a mix of the two because when I woke up they said no we can't put all nine batters up there...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: ...and I was, I was like oh man. and they said we're putting all five pitchers up there instead this is the best plan that I've seen in blaseball other than the commissioner's plan.

Kimberly: right, right the commission is doing a great job

DB: but there's a couple people that were skeptical for different reasons and different levels.

Kimberly: right, right.

DB: some people thought okay this will result in a forfeit and we will lose every game. and for other people they had different skepticisms of like this might put our players at risk and we don't want to lose our players.

Kimberly: yeah.

DB: the plan kind of got majority support but I don't want to discount anybody that wasnt you know all that into it.

Kimberly: yeah it is risky I think it's... to me it seems like it's putting a lot of faith in the umpires and the people who are running the game to take this thing that a bunch of fans want to happen and turn it from something that could be disastrous into something that's actually really fun for everybody. because you know we are all just around here to have fun with blaseball.

DB: one awesome thing about it has been that a lot of players on other, or fans of other teams it's kind of been like you know you have axe you have my sword or my bow kind of thing.

Kimberly: well when we come back we're going to find out how you can help make the snackrifice happen and then we will call it a day. in the meantime we will cut to our break stay tuned.

{poignant music starts playing)

Kimberly (Break): in memoriam so, so many. today for our break please join me in a moment of silence for the players trapped in peanuts voided incinerated forced to retreat to the shadows or otherwise lost.

(silence)

thank you.

Kimberly: and we are back here in the studio which is our houses.

DB: (laughter)

Kimberly: with DB talking about the snackrifice the latest hot topic for the unlimited tacos and possibly the rest of blaseball. so let's say you've convinced me I want to help make the snackrifice happen. it sounds like a fantastic idea if nothing else its gonna be super fun what do I need to do? how do I help with this?

DB: check the idol leaderboards go to the unlimited tacos team and scroll down to their pitchers. click one of the pitchers and make them your idol. this... its mostly that simple.

Kimberly: just make a tacos pitcher my idol?

DB: checking that leader board helps a little bit because if there are any above the line they don't necessarily need your help as much as maybe somebody below that line. so you know wyatt quitters number five or something make wyatt pothos your idol.

Kimberly: and you are... you also put out a helpful graphic I think...

DB: yeah.

Kimberly: to help you with this where can people find that?

DB: you can ask any tacos fan. I think it's pinned in our channel so we can pass that along to you. you can visit the tacos chat were generally pretty welcoming to visitors. or check the tacos Twitter account or the blaseball commissioners Twitter count because they retweeted it. this graphic that i had about fifteen other iterations of and was working on while I was at work.

Kimberly: Gee I wonder what that would feel like...

DB: and maybe share it.

Kimberly: our bosses had better never listen to this.

DB: oh my goodness if my boss listened to this they would definitely, definitely be a fan of the snackrifice. that's what I'm choosing to believe.

Kimberly: (laughter) okay well that is awesome. thank you so much for explaining that DB. is there anything else people need to know about snackrifice or how they can help or anything like that?

DB: if you do want help us out just know you are complicit in whatever comes next...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: and if that event is a grand triumph that frees us from the yoke of tyranny then yknow put that on your resume.

Kimberly: well on that note actually I would like to ask you my final question which is D. B. as you know we are all love blaseball. so I would like for you to tell me what is it that you are love about blaseball?

DB: this is kind of maybe the most obvious answer but it is definitely the true one is the community. it is becoming part of a community and seeing that it thousands and thousands of positive people who are genuinely concerned that everybody's having fun and are channeling their creative energies across all spectrums into something so like unique. something so like people are making art of players that aren't even on their favorite team. people... today was the first time I listened to a Seattle garages song. they've been putting out great music. so what i are love about baseball is just it can bring out the generous nature and the artistic nature of thousands and thousands of people towards a common goal. general shoutout to anyone that is yknow putting their depictions out there through songs through art through playlists through recipe books and stories it's it's super awesome.

Kimberly: that's fantastic and with that, that is all the time we have for today thank you so much DB for coming on the show.

DB: yeah thank you for having me.

Kimberly: absolutely. is there anything you wanna plug for yourself on Twitter and discord?

DB: absolutely not if anyone recognizes me when this plan blows up...

Kimberly: (laughter)

DB: I will be run out of the league. no just DB on discord yeah and you know tell me that you told me so if bad things happen.

Kimberly: all right I am sure people will do. in the meantime everyone please remember to subscribe to @blaseball_pod on Twitter. also send us your blaseball questions opinions and soul screams at blaseballpodcast@gmail.com . yes it is a real email address that I do check. I would love to hear your blaseball reactions and your opinions especially recordings of your voice since this is a podcast. thank you for listening this has been take me out to the blall game. I'm Kimberly Dauber your host and thank you for participating in the cultural event of blaseball.