The Boston Tea Party

[music starts, then starts to fade out]

Kimberly: Hey listeners! Surprise! I lied, and now I’m here on a Tuesday. Today we’re gonna do a little mini-sode to talk about last week’s Boston Tea Party from Season 7. I have here with me, Herald.

Herald: Hello.

Kimberly: Hi, Herald. Herald, can you introduce yourself? What is your name?

Herald: [in the middle of Kimberly’s sentence] Yes.

Kimberly: What are your pronouns, and is the Commissioner doing a great job?

Herald: First of all, I want to answer that one first because people always wait to answer that one last. The Commissioner is doing a great job, and I am not contractually obligated to say that.

Kimberly: Not at all.

Herald: Not at all.

Kimberly: No way.

Herald: My name is Herald. Not H-A-R-O-L-D, but H-E-R-A-L-D, like a bringer of news, which is very fitting. And my pronouns are…

Kimberly: …I see what you did there.

Herald: Yeah.

[They both laugh]

Herald: And my pronouns are he/him, they/them.

Kimberly: Excellent. Well, thanks for being on the show, Herald. So this Boston Tea Party that happened last week. Can you tell our listeners, what was it? What was cool about it?

Herald: Uh- that is a fantastic question. The Boston Tea Party is the Party Time that happened because, uh, I guess we just felt like beating the world record for speedrunning into Party Time.

Kimberly: [laughing] Do you happen to know- do you happen to know how fast the Boston Flowers got to Party Time?

Herald: I- I think it was, like, Day 76? Don’t quote me? From what I understand, it was like, two days under the original world record.

Kimberly: [laughing] Oh my god.

Herald: So, hey. Other teams? Chances to get better. Always practicing your speedruns.

Kimberly: Ooooo… [laughing]

Herald: Now we can find time optimizations anywhere, you know. We just gotta figure it out.

Kimberly: Nice nice. So what happened after the Boston Flowers made it to Party Time?

Herald: So I came in a little bit late. [mix of laughing and wheezing] Basically it was just like, it was relivening, it was reliving the actual Boston Tea Party. [continues to speak while Kimberly constantly laughs in the background] There were people throwing teas and cakes and people trying to trick the harbor. People throwing the harbor into the tea. People asking what type of tea to throw in the harbor.

Kimberly: So it was basically just a huge party with people talking about tea, and harbors…

Herald: [in the middle of Kimberly’s sentence] Chaos.

Kimberly: …and bees?

Herald: Bees. Bees?

Kimberly: Question mark?

Herald: Mostly, it was mostly just the Boston Flowers hanging around on their picnic blankets, waiting for people to wade in and just waiting for them to just toss more tea into the harbor. It was just, it was just a wonderful sight to see, honestly. [laughs]

Kimberly: Oh my god, Party Time. Okay, so, I have, I have a bit of a confession about this. So, I’m also a Boston Flowers fan.

Herald: [chuckles] Oh?

Kimberly: And the Tea Party sounds in retrospect like it was really fun. But also, I am shy, and I know it seems like I’m very outgoing, but I’m one of those outgoing shy people who doesn’t interact with people until I know them. So I didn’t go to the Boston Tea Party in spite of being a Flowers fan. And you know, like, this is also partly because I am just a blaseball in the sky with a microphone, and I was not sure what to wear or what to talk to or who to talk to or what to do or anything… I- I don’t go to parties, I make podcasts. So, I kinda want to go to the next Party Time, but I’m still a bit nervous about it, so… can you just help me feel less afraid of social interaction? In a large setting?

Herald: You know what? And honestly, it’s okay. If you’re introverted, that’s okay, because everybody doesn’t have to enjoy parties the same way. People who are introverted can go to a party, but they don’t have to be the ones dancing on the dance floor. They don’t have to be the ones picking out the songs for karaoke. You know, they can hang out with the corner, find people just like you, or maybe people who are kind of like you. They don’t have to be floating blaseballs in the sky who do podcasts.

Kimberly: Aww.

Herald: They can be other inanimate objects that have become animate.

Kimberly: I have seen some other blaseballs, like, I think Commissioner Vapor is a literal blaseball also.

[Editor’s note: Commissioner Vapor is a player for the Canada Moist Talkers (as of the Grand Siesta) and is not Commissioner of Blaseball Parker MacMillan III, who is doing a great job.]

Herald: Well, you know what? Representation matters. Representation matters.

Kimberly: So, okay. So maybe I can find some people who are like me at the party if I go there?

Herald: Yeah.

Kimberly: Okay. Will you like… will you like, go to the party with me, like, as friends next time so I don’t have to be afraid and alone?

Herald: [delighted] Oh, of course! Oh, honey. Oh, honey.

Kimberly: Aww!

Herald: Absolutely.

Kimberly: Thank you!

Herald: Yes, I’m happy to. If anybody needs a friend at a Party Time, I’m available, I’m free, and I’m happy to kinda hang out, and you know, kinda be like, your life preserver. Ya know, your lifeboat.

Kimberly: Aww… okay. Well, thank you very much.

Herald: Oh, absolutely!

Kimberly: That does make me feel better about going to the party. Alright, listeners, this is a mini-sode, so we are about out of time. Herald.

Herald: Yes.

Kimberly: Herald, as in the messenger. Where can our listeners find you and also where can they find this party next time?

Herald: I- I’m barely on Twitter, but I am on Twitter. [laughs] I am @exe_cursed. That’s @-E-X-E-underscore-Cursed. Like an executable file, underscore, Cursed. I’m primarily on Discord, you’ll find me in the Blaseball Discord. I highly recommend it if you’re getting into Blaseball, you wanna find a community, go there. It’s a wonderful place, and that’s where the next Party Time will be held, primarily on the Discord, but the party sorta leaks and there’s like after-parties and whatever.

Kimberly: As parties do.

Herald: As, as one does. And, you know, like I said. That’s probably the best place you ought to go, is the Blaseball Discord.

Kimberly: Alright, fantastic. Thanks, Herald. Thanks for coming.

Herald: Thank you. Yeah.

[outro music starts]

Kimberly: Everyone, remember to follow us on Twitter, we are @blaseball_pod. If you want to do a mini-sode like this one about, I dunno, something fun happening on your team or some strategy that you want to promote, just email us your idea at blaseballpodcast@gmail.com, that’s all one word, blaseballpodcast@gmail.com, and we will probably get back to you about it.

Herald: It’s a real email.

Kimberly: It’s a real email.

Herald: It’s a real email.

Kimberly: I do check it. It’s a real email, I can confirm.

Herald: I used it!

Kimberly: Yep, that’s right! And then this happened.

Herald: Yep.

[the two laugh]

Kimberly: I am Kimberly Dauber, this has been Take Me Out to the Blall Game. And thank you for participating in the cultural event of Blaseball.

[music volume gets louder]

Kimberly: [in the background] Woo! [laughs]

[cymbal hits, music ends]

Herald: [speaking to his cat Ginger] Come here.

Ginger: Mrow!

Herald: Say bye. You wanna, you’re gonna rub against the microphone instead? Say bye?

Ginger: Mrow.

Herald: There you go.