Election Special: Season 9

Kimberly: Hey there blaseball fans you are listening to Take Me Out To The Blall Game the world's most technically advanced blaseball podcast. I'm your host Kimberly Dauber and I use She/her pronouns. it is blaseball election time once again, we are back with the Benson "Nutty" Newton the intern-in-chief of the Blaseball News Network to tell you all about this season's decrees and blessings. but first a word from our splonsors.

Kimberly (intermission): today's episode of Take Me Out To The Blall Game was sponsored by my studio, which is my bedroom. the following is a description of what my bedroom looks like. so I've got my microphone and my laptop on my desk, you've seen some pictures of those if you follow me on Twitter. I also have a window that looks out at the big blue sky. actually, fun fact I took the selfie that is this show's cover art with the window behind me. it's usually got a Boston Flowers flower vase on it that I keep flowers in. I've got my nice blaseball glove where I sleep every night and it's very cozy. I've also got a cabinet where I keep candles. you may be wondering how do I, a literal blaseball, light candles? that is for me to know and you to find out and that's about it for furniture. honestly most of the space is taken up by our technomagical shields which keep us safe when we jump over the edge of one universe into another. and yes I know the jumps are no big deal but since we tend to kind of drift through the sky we never really know what's going to turn up on the other side, so yeah shields. So yeah, that's my studio. it is very comfy and very affordable and I like it. and now back to the show.

Kimberly: Hey listeners, how's it going? I am back in the studio with Benson "Nutty" Newton to talk about blaseball season nine elections. Hey Benson thanks for coming back again.

Benson Newton: Hey there, thanks for having me.

Kimberly: Any time, any time. Just to check in, what should we call you and what are your pronouns and is The Commissioner Doing A Great Job?

Benson Newton: Hey my name's Benson Newton, I work for the Blaseball News Network. My pronouns are He and him and well of course The Commissioner Is Always Doing A Great Job.

Kimberly: all right amazing thank you so much for coming back in Benson Newton. so today we're going to talk about what is up for elections here in season nine. for those of you who haven't done a blaseball election before it's pretty simple. basically the participants: that's you and me and Benson, vote on various things in order to change the game of blaseball. there's blessings which go to individual teams and have an effect on a particular team and there are decrees which have an effect on the entire internet blaseball league. you can buy votes to vote on the elections in the shop and you got to vote by... what, Sunday?

Benson Newton: yeah Sunday.

Kimberly: yeah but how do you know what to vote for? don't worry we've got you covered. today Benson and I are gonna talk about which blessings you should be interested in and which decrees. so let's start off with blessings. all right Benson, which ones are the blessings to watch for season nine. what are the cool ones? what are the wild ones? what are the exciting blessings this season?

Benson Newton: all right well the theme of the season and the blessings really seem to be the shadows. we first saw the shadows kinda reference that last season. I think a pitcher ended up coming out of the shadows. somehow, I don't remember how. but we've got: let's see one, two, three, four, what... five, six blessings here that mention the shadows. we're still not really even sure what the shadows are, but we see here the secret weapon blessing from... it came from a basement podcast. maximize a random pitcher in your shadows and then what happens? you know. so I'm excited to see what happens with the shadows from an interesting perspective.

from a power perspective both the tag team pitching in tag team hitting blessings are very interesting to me. they both do the same thing to an extent but one does it for pitching and one does it for hitting. improve your team's relevant stat by ten percent and then the last place team in the opposite sub league from you also gets that same boost. so it helps out your own team and it helps out a weak team on the other side of the league. very unique, very interesting.

Kimberly: wow, tag team pitching and tag team hitting impact the entire team. I haven't seen a ton of blessings that boost the stats of like, every player or like half the players on a team before.

Benson Newton: it's been a it's been a while since we've seen something like that.

Kimberly: yeah and also of course you mention the shadows gotta mention Mike Townsend. retreated to the shadows so that Jaylen Hotdogfingers could return from beyond the beyond.

Benson Newton: mmhm.

Kimberly: so if the right ones of these go through or the wrongs ones was depending on how you look at it we could be seeing Mike Townsend back again.

Benson Newton: you're very right about that. out of sight sends your two worst pitchers to the shadows and brings up two replacements from the shadows. So if the Garages win that we could see Mike Townsend return.

Kimberly: yeah all right. well those are really interesting blessings but actually I got a question for you this time Benson Newton. the question is which blessing would you pick for yourself if you were going to get a blessing? I know they're for baseball teams but just like humor me, i'm curious.

Benson Newton: Well, if I if I were to get a blessing, you see I'm a really big fan of eating fish. I like to eat fish lots of days, really tasty. you know what goes really good with some nice big fish? hot sauce!

Kimberly: Wha...

Benson Newton: Lots and lots of hot sauce.

Kimberly: Ooooh.

Benson Newton: I want a personal hot sauce bar. I want to win the hot sauce blessing so I can have all the hot sauce that I could ever want at my beck and call at all times.

Kimberly: would you have a hot sauce party? can we invite all of the Blaseball News Network?

Benson Newton: yes of course I always love to have the rest the Blaseball News Network around. well the computers... the computers kind of creep me out. don't tell them that but...

Kimberly: I won't. I'm sure that computers don't listen to podcasts.

Benson Newton: I hope not. all the rest of the writers though, they're really nice to have them over.

Kimberly: that would be one spicy, spicy party. okay all right thanks for giving us the low down on all the blessings. listeners when we come back we're gonna talk about decrees. but if you've looked at the decrees for this season they're a little bit, um, cryptic. they're all different kinds of weather that we've seen in blaseball thus far. every blaseball game has a particular kind of weather such as eclipse or peanuts or birds or feedback or reverb or blooddrain. what do all of these mean? well in order to find out I have called in an expert. it is once again That Reporter of WTFB Splorts Radio to tell you all about different kinds of blaseball weather. so we'll be right back after this weather report. over to you That Reporter.

That Reporter: This Reporter, He/him pronouns. coming to you from WTFB Splorts Radio with this special report recorded on the roof of our studios as we experience the meteorological event of blaseball. blaseball weather that is. a phenomenon as unique, slightly confusing, and potentially lethal as the splort that we all are love. as of season nine there are six total types of weather at play each with their own unique effects on the splort. every single one just really, really menacing. and more relevant than ever with both unusually strong effects developing on the field and what seems to be a weather forecast on our voting ballots. as of this report we are in fact voting for three types of weather out of the six which will do... something. we'll find out, huh? so let's review what we do know. it's time for a brief review of... the weather. starting with our most recent phenomena: blooddrain.

[rain sound effect kicks in]

this sanguine precipitation brings a curious compulsion over blaseball players, mainly to find dry socks. and also to feast on the blood of one of their opponents.

[wilhelm scream]

literally draining their stats to use as their own in the process.

[rain stops, echoing effect occurs]

speaking of the need for regulation splort galoshes, being caught out in reverb waves can affect either a whole team by shuffling their lineup or a single player granting them the reverberating status. this occasionally lets them bat again after their at-bat would have normally ended.

[echoing stops, static can be heard]

in comparison rather than wet weather gear, feedback is why it's wise to keep some earplugs in your blaseball preparedness kit. and the weather responsible for swapping a pair of opposing players to the other side. an event that is always a little bittersweet for both fans and players alike.

[static stops, caws and wingbeats sound]

however in contrast the sight of lots of birds out on the field can be a cause to rejoice, if somewhat menacing. besides cluttering up the play by play, birds have a chance to peck a peanut shelled player free to play again. although sadly this has proven to be somewhat rare.

[birds stop, the crackling of shells commences]

then of course we have the very weather system that this radio station has been... blessed with. besides being a nuisance to groundskeepers occasionally a player will swallow a peanut which is either a delightful Yummy snack or causes an allergic reaction, boosting or lowering their stats respectively. and finally...

[nuts fall silent, ominous music begins to play]

the eclipse. what can this reporter say? too much really, far too much. for it is this darkness that summons the baleful, mysterious entities known as Rogue Umpires. and to catch the eye of such a being is to be incinerated. to be lost. not to changing team colors, not to a woody shell, but to the Hall of Flame. where they may at last rest in violence. perhaps one day to rise, but we still have one another and whatever the weather we will weather in the coming seasons, we will do so together. so perhaps the next time you go to watch a game maybe bring a spare umbrella. after all you never know what the weather will bring. back to your Dauber.

Kimberly: thank you That. listeners we are back in the studio you're listening to Take Me Out To The Blall Game. I'm here with Benson Newton of the Blaseball News Network. we're talking about the season nine elections. we talked about blessings during the first half of the show and now we're moving on to decrees. now Benson what do we know about these decrees that are the six types of weather.

Benson Newton: well I think just about all we know about them is that all of their names are forecast and then a type of weather. they've all got the little logo for the right types of weather corresponding with the name. we know that three of them will go into effect, the top three that are voted for will go into effect.

Kimberly: that is true yep.

Benson Newton: and that's all. that is all the solid information that we know.

Kimberly: yup, we've got nothing. listeners you're honestly kind of on your own for this one. just pick your favorite weather, I guess? it is kind of... it is a little unusual I think to have three decrees going into effect. has that sort of thing happened before Benson, what usually happens in terms of number of decrees?

Benson Newton: off the top of my head I think the most that we've seen going into effect at one time is two. I think two is normal. the past two seasons we've had one go into effect, I think. on and off we've had one or two. I think this will be the first going into three. I mean already this week's season we've seen classic weather forecasts changing up their effects a little bit. like you know in the past whenever there were birds around they were just kind of intimidating and they might be a little benevolent and you know chop a, eat a player out of a gigantic peanut shell. you know the peanuts they were around, someone might chomp on. you know, lapse of judgment, and someone might have an allergic reaction or a Yummy reaction, but now humongous peanuts are falling from the sky and encasing people.

Kimberly: yep that is happening.

Benson Newton: will these decrees get rid of these weather types? will they get rid of the three that aren't voted for? will they modify the effects of the ones that are voted for? this could really go any direction.

Kimberly: it definitely seems like whatever happens we'll have something to do with weather. like it'll get rid of the effect or it'll boost the effect or it'll limit us to just those three weathers that we can normally get in the upcoming seasons. but we really have no idea what's going to happen to them.

Benson Newton: we do not at all. we do know that at the beginning of the season The Commissioner confirmed that this would be the end of the Discipline Era at the end of season nine.

Kimberly: That's right, yeah.

Benson Newton: could this be the end of eclipses as we know them? could we see a player stopping to be incinerated?

Kimberly: yeah there's some things going on here that could interact with the other stuff that's going on in blaseball. like you said it's the Discipline Era right now and it's going to be the end of the Discipline Era according to The Commissioner. so if we vote for eclipse does that mean there will continue to be eclipses after the Discipline Era ends? Would they otherwise end? the Book currently says that a solar eclipse shall last until some period of time and maybe it's the end of the Discipline Era. Question mark? we don't really know about that. also with the peanuts, you know the Peanut declared strike four so... if we continue to have peanuts will the Peanut otherwise have gone away? will it make the Hall Monitor happy because there will be lots of tiny eggs around for it to eat? who knows! plus the microphone shenanigans that are currently going on...

Benson Newton: There are so many unresolved issues right now.

Kimberly: yeah it's a lot. it's a good thing that we have each other to help ourselves out.

Benson Newton: yes it's certainly convenient.

Kimberly: so what's your favorite weather Benson? which ones are you gonna go for in the absence of more information?

Benson Newton: Oh boy, i'm not sure. I'm probably going to vote for Reverb, Blooddrain, and Birds? They're the ones that don't really seem to harm people, you know? I mean sure Blooddrain, it moves some skill around but at least it doesn't kill someone, you know?

Kimberly: Yeah, or put them in a peanut shell which may put them at risk of being eaten by an enormous eldritch squid.

Benson Newton: Oh yeah.

Kimberly: I honestly don't know which ones i'm going to vote for. I'll probably vote for the most thematically appropriate ones for me... so probably Feedback because of the microphone and Birds because I'm here in the sky and there's lots of birds and they come hang out sometimes although they kind of leave a mess.

Benson Newton: but yeah that's the thing you can just vote for only one if you wanted to.

Kimberly: Yeah, that's true. so listeners there you have it, we don't know what to tell you about decrees. pick your favorite ones! this is going to be great.

Benson Newton: just pick your favorite one, you know? if you want to vote for eclipse I probably won't judge you too harshly.

Kimberly: that's good I would hate to be judged you. You have a news network.

[both laugh]

Benson Newton: Hey I don't have a news network, I'm just the intern-in-chief. I need this job really badly, okay?

Kimberly: that's true, I won't tell anyone. well I'll tell them that you're Doing A Great Job running the news network.

Benson Newton: Oh, thank you.

Kimberly: all right listeners that's about all the time we've got for today, thank you so much for tuning in. Benson where can our listeners find you and your big scary bosses?

Benson Newton: you can find me at @BNNIntern on Twitter. I don't tweet too much, I'm pretty busy with other stuff, but you can find my bosses at @BlaseballNews on Twitter. you can find my writing and the writing of so many other talented people at blaseball.news. it's our great website where we post lots of fun stuff. and yeah that's all of it.

Kimberly: all right thank you so much for coming on the show Benson. listeners remember to subscribe to this show Take Me Out To The Blall Game, you can get it wherever podcasts are found. remember to follow us on Twitter at @blaseball_pod and email us at blaseballpodcast@gmail.com. you can send in a question, dedicate a soul scream, or suggest something that we should interview you about. and if you know someone who would enjoy this podcast, do them a favor and tell them about it. I bet they'll be glad that you did. I am Kimberly Dauber, thank you for joining us on Take Me Out To The Blall Game, and as always thank you for participating in the cultural event of blaseball.

[postcredits]

Kimberly: blaseball blaseball blaseball blaseball blaseball

Benson Newton: blaseball blaseball

Kimberly: What are we going to talk about? blaseball blaseball blaseball.

Benson Newton: [laughs]

Kimberly: This is the blaseball podcast, where we talk about... blaseball.

Benson Newton: Wait a second...